I have to tell you... right now, all I want is a hug. My heart and soul are so weighed down from the past week, the trials, the sufferings, the fights, everything... Sometimes I wonder to myself... How did other missionaries do it? Kolt... How did you survive your mission? Kass? Chris Shurian? Jordan Henderson? HOW?? This is so HARD. I am doing ALL I can, and sometimes I feel like none of what I do is bringing to pass anything. I came to Neuquén with the goal to become the best missionary that my mission president has... How..... ? I honestly don´t understand how people complete a mission. It is by far the most difficult thing I have ever done. I´m not even 6 months into this thing, and I´m already so exhausted, spiritually drain... I don´t know. If there´s anyone reading this email that knows what I´m going through, and would like to give me advice, I´m ALL ears. How do you do this???
Anyways, for Pday last week we climbed the mountain next to Esquel. It´s called ¨The Cruz´´ because of the big cross on top! ha, it was fun. Inés and Reuban, my first converts... Are like ROCKS!!! They´re reading the scriptures every day, they pray every day. They come to church every week, they´re so happy and content! It´s amazing the change in their lives... I could come home from my mission, knowing that I´ve helped someone.. But I want to help more. I want to help SO MUCH MORE... They´re doing great, and I´m so grateful to my Heavenly Father for all that they did, and for helping E. Rojas and myself change their lives through Christ. You might think we´re crazy, but we´re going for the Standard again. Such a difficult thing to accomplish, but I feel like I need to. We have the baptism of Nicol, the son of Lidia on Saturday. He´s such a little 11 yr. old stud!! we´ve had a very interesting time with their family this week. If Omi was a little frustrated with me getting involved with the police the week before, she´s not going to be very happy about me going and asking a lawyer to help us divorce Lidia with her first husband!!! HAHA!! You have to do what you have to do. For Patricio, the companion of Lidia to be baptized, he needs to marry Lidia. Lidia can´t because she´s married to another guy who she is never around. We went to the lawyers to see what we would need to do to help them out. At this time, we don´t know what´s going to happen, because Patricio doesn´t want to get married. I feel that through us teaching the lessons to Nicol, and baptizing him, he will see the importance, and change his mind.
We had a family home evening with them on Friday. I made brownies, and E. Rojas made this weird flan thing... It turned out alright, haha! The brownies were delicious, and even Lidia, who isn´t much of a chocolate fan liked them! We played a bunch of games with the family, Lidia shared a spiritual thought, it was a very good night with them. They are a family very close to my heart. I want to help them in any way I can with any thing that I can.
The Venegas family... an inactive family for a long time... We had the most interesting conversation with them the other day. They spoke of the people in the church as hypocrites, how there is no love, no service, no... Ah. It disturbed me greatly. I need to help this branch... I need to do my job as a Disciple of Christ and do all that I can to fix Esquel! We talked with them about it, and they decided finally to come to church. They didn´t. :/
I had a fight with E. Rojas last night. I hate it. I HATE it!!!!!!!! Why can´t we always just be good friends? We come from such different backgrounds, I just don´t know. Kolt, I need you to help me out. Kass, you too. Chris Shurian, please... Help your second, first, twice removed cousin, or whatever it is that we are family wise! I´m so sorry I keep asking for you guys to write me, but it is only because I need your help. Really. I need advice as to how I can more fully fill my responsibility I have as a missionary.
It doesn´t help that Germán, the only source of support and help in the branch that I have, left for Chaco. Up in the top part of Argentina, he left because his grandma is about to die. I had a very hard time accepting that he was leaving, because he has helped me out, SO MUCH. It´s like saying goodbye to brothers, everywhere. I hate it.
I apologize for this really short letter. I really don´t know what else to say. I just want to be a good servant of my Father in Heaven. That´s all I want. I don´t want to let you guys down... That is my biggest fear. You all, and my Father in Heaven, obviously. Pray for me, send me letters, help me. I´m trying to grow up, sometimes I feel like I´m not doing anything. Maybe I´m being a big baby. Maybe missionary work is easy, I don´t know, I´ve never done it. I don´t know if Kolt, Kass, Jordan, Chris... I don´t know if you guys ever felt like I feel now. Help me know what to do. I love you all. Until next week...
Don´t worry, the end of the world hasn´t come, I just feel very alone right now. Pray for me to know what to do. Thank you for the support that you all give to me, I cannot thank you enough.
With all the love in my heart to the people I miss most of all...
E. Cuthbert
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