With the end being so close... It`s getting harder and harder to focus and stay concentrated. Sometimes, thoughts about what I`m going to do come barging into my mind. What will I do the first week that I return? Where will I go? When will I find work? In WHAT will I work? When will I go to school? Bla bla bla bla bla!!! I said to myself.. "ENOUGH!!! Elder Cuthbert, you do NOT need to worry about any of that. Get your head in the game, and worry about ONE thing. Missionary Work. Worry about one goal. Inviting ALL to come unto Christ. Don`t worry about ANYTHING else. Throw it all in the box, throw it in the suitcase - or better yet - throw it in a box and mail it home. I worry about what the Lord wants me to do now. Afterwards, He will worry about me, and help me so that everything goes to plan so that I can fulfill my Divine Nature. As I put my faith in Him, He will put everything into its proper place when I return home, so that when that moment comes, I can pull out everything from the box, throw away some things here, begin again with some things there... Basically, review my life from before, and decide what it is that I no more desire, and what it is that will help me grow and progress. I do NOT need those things now." And so that`s what I did. Whenever a thought comes into my head about movies, Apple iPhones, running sprints or hurdles, school, money, work... Anything like that - I shove it into the box, not to be opened until my feet hit the ground in Salt Lake City. It`s pretty tough. Ha.
I am enjoying my time, thoroughly in this wonderful little city. To be honest, when I got here, there wasn`t a lot going on. The Elder that was here with E. Lozada for 4 weeks had his thoughts on a girl, and not on the Work. So we`ve been letting go some people who don`t want to progress, and we are in the hard process of finding new people. Remember how it was in Esquel when I was put into a Whitewas with E. Sharp? Same basic thing has happened. E. Lozada was NEW in the mission, and had only 4 weeks here in Allen, of which much of that time wasn`t spent doing stuff a missionary should do. I have come here, and I "tore down the tables of the merchants and sellers" as Christ did with the Temple. We are obedient, hard working and desirous for miracles, and the members can see it. We didn`t have anyone in church yesterday. We are working with an inactive family named Lagos family, who has a daughter named Augustina who isn`t baptized. She`s 10 years old. We`ve been fighting for a good 2 weeks to get them to go to church, but they haven`t been able to make it... I was pretty frustrated yesterday when we went over. When we got to the house, we asked them why they hadn`t gone. The mom said that one of the daughters had felt sick, and that for that reason, no one went. What an excuse. Especially when we had spoken previously that week that if one of the parents couldn`t go, that the other one would take Augustina. Problem was that the husband was busy working on the roof of his new house he`s building. Something we had taught to them during that week was Keeping the Sabbath day HOLY. I saw him working on that roof, and a sorrow... a HUGE sorrow came over my heart. I felt what the Savior felt and feels. People who neglect the sacrifice that He paid for their sins... I dropped the cane a little bit, but then - knowing that making them feel bad won`t really do anything in the end, began teaching about the Atonement, and that no matter what, the next Sunday, they would all be there. It was a tiring lesson.
I feel it. Yesterday, I was very tired. I fight and fight and fight, walk and walk and walk, invite and invite and invite, help and help and help, serve and serve and serve... And so many times - Those sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father, just... don`t accept it. But I know that I must go on. Today marks the countdown of one month. ONE month. A lot can happen in one month. I know that if I surrender myself completely to my Father in Heaven, He will make a missionary out of me. Pray for me, all of you. I need your prayers. This is more than a mission. This is more than one month. It is the last month of my life (For all I know) that I will carry the name of the Lord over my heart. One day, I was curious to see what I would look like in a shirt and tie, without the plaque that says:; ELDER CUTHBERT The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter Day Saints. And I looked... wrong. Empty. I threw my plaque on as quickly as I could, then, again, looked in the mirror. There I was. ELDER CUTHBERT. There was the person that I knew. The Son of God that I had grown to recognize every morning. There was a Disciple of Christ, ready to go into battle. There... was Me.
Two years is a long time. Lucky me, I`ll be on the mission for two years and one week. HAH!
I love you all, you are my strength. Have a wonderful week.
E. Cuthbert
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